A Lady in Attendance Page 13
The woman nodded. “I will. Keep that girl out of trouble. I sense an unruly streak in her.”
“I have to go,” he said to Mrs. Northly, but with no leads to follow, he didn’t know where to look. He stopped at the tree just beyond the boardinghouse and leaned his back against it. This couldn’t be real. Time passed in strange fashion, the sun rising higher and higher in the sky as he stood motionless, unsure what to do.
“I have to leave.”
Gilbert’s head shot around the tree at the sound of Hazel’s voice. There she was on the doorstep, talking to Mrs. Northly. A miracle.
“You don’t have to go,” the matron said. “Come back in and unpack. I saw that dentist of yours frantically looking for you. Talk to him.”
“I thought he might come.” Hazel’s shoulders slouched. “I’ll mail him a letter.”
“The other night you shouted about what a good man he was. If you were speaking the truth, then you know you’re going to hurt him by running away. Good men feel things. They hurt just like us women do, even if they don’t show it.” Mrs. Northly handed Hazel a handkerchief. “Stop your crying. Likely you’ve brought this on yourself. Now, if you’ve had a dispute, talk to him and set it right, or tell him off if you must. But there’s no need to flee.”
“I have brought this on myself.” Hazel wiped her face. “He is a good man. I was telling you the truth, and I have no reason to quarrel with him.”
“Then why run?”
“I’m not running. I . . . well, it doesn’t matter why I’m going, only that I must go. Thank you for your hospitality while I stayed here.”
Mrs. Northly patted Hazel on the arm. “Well, if you must go, then go. But why spend your life running from one set of problems only to get another? Troubles are lurking around every corner. Face them. With God’s help, you can move mountains.”
“It’s a sentiment I easily believe for others, but . . . I fear I am not strong enough to face the demons I saw today.” She picked up her bag. “Goodbye, Mrs. Northly.”
Hazel moved away from the boardinghouse that had been her home. She carried her carpetbag on one arm and the hatbox dangled from the other.
She walked toward him, but with her eyes down she didn’t see him. Gilbert stood frozen in the moment, watching her. Her once-bright eyes were dark, the lightness of her step replaced by a heavy, determined gait. There was no time to stand and watch or to think of an eloquent way to confront her. Giving it no further thought, he hurried out of the shadows and stepped up to her side.
“Don’t go,” he begged. “Don’t leave.”
“Gil.” She looked at him, softening for a moment before she set her jaw and said, “I have to go. I only came back for my hatbox.”
“You don’t have to go. You have a job, you have friends, and we will make a plan together. Why run from all that?” Without asking, Gilbert took her heavy bag from her.
“Because here in Amherst I’m still close to everything from before. I have to go away. Somewhere far.”
“So, you will go west and start a new life? You’ll just forget us?” He swallowed hard, knowing for him it would not be so easy. Forgetting her would be impossible. She consumed too much of him.
“I know your brother.” She stopped and faced him. “I know him from a long time ago. Everyone called him Edward, and I didn’t realize he was your brother. But now, this morning when I saw him at the office, it was like the present and the past were colliding, and I knew it could never work between us. I remembered how it felt to be heartless. I remembered every wretched thing I’ve done and . . . and that others have done. You don’t want to spend your time with me. It sounded nice and I almost believed it could work, but it can’t.”
Hazel reached for her bag, but Gilbert held it tight. “Let me decide who I want to spend my time with. I might be quiet, but that doesn’t make me inept. I have a heart and feelings, same as you, and a mind of my own.”
“I don’t understand you,” she said, raising her voice. “You should be grateful I am saving you from all the shame.” She reached again for her bag, and again he pulled it back. “Just let me go. With me gone, you can have whatever life you want. You could find a sweet, innocent woman. Someone your equal.”
“Fine!” He held the bag out for her to take. “Go if you must. But I’d like a chance to tell you what I want before you do. At the very least, can you grant me the chance to say goodbye?”
For a long and agonizing moment, he stood waiting. Hoping she would agree. His eyes held hers as he waited, silently pleading with her. Knowing whatever she said next would affect the course of their futures. Knowing if she chose to leave, he’d be left with a hole forever in his life.
In a voice no more than a whisper, she said, “You’re right. I should have let you say goodbye.”
They walked side by side in awkward silence to the dental office. Like strangers, they averted their eyes and kept a good amount of space between them.
“I’ll put a sign up letting our patients know I’m not available. I’ll leave it up so we can talk,” Gilbert said as he closed the door behind them, the tension palpable in the air as they shuffled to the back of the office. “Sit down if you’d like.”
She didn’t sit. Instead, she stood in front of the serene painting closest to her. “I was thinking while we walked, trying to figure out what to do next, but I can’t decide.”
“You stay, and we face it together like we discussed.” Gilbert had been thinking as well. He wondered how close Eddie and Hazel had been. Had she toyed with him? Kissed him? And then he asked himself if it mattered, and he wasn’t certain if it did or not, but he wanted time to find out. “You’ve changed. Surely Eddie has too. Whatever happened between the two of you, it’s history.”
“History has a way of haunting me.” She cleared her throat. “You and I have been skirting all the lines we once talked about. I feel strongly that if I’m to stay and we’re to work together, it has to be different now.”
He nodded, knowing from her fidgeting that she would not negotiate. “It feels different already.”
“I’m sorry for it.” She rubbed her temples and sighed. “I do still wish to be your friend, if it is possible. I’d cheer on your happiness no matter what.”
“My friendship is not so easily lost.”
“Will you help a friend, knowing there is no future beyond that?”
“I heard you tell Mrs. Northly that you would write me. If you had, what would you have said?”
“I would have said”—Hazel’s voice trembled—“‘dear Gil, I hate to leave you, but I must.’ I would have pled for your forgiveness and your understanding, and I would have confessed to wishing it could all be different—”
“It can be different.”
“No! It can’t.” She looked away. “I would have finished by telling you that I hoped you would fill the void you confessed to having with family. I would have wished a wife and children for you. You’d be such a good father.” She stared down at her hands. “And then I would have said goodbye.”
“There may still be a way for us.” Tears burned in his own eyes. The dream he’d never known he wanted stood before him but out of reach. “Once we sort this all out. Tell me there is a chance then.”
“I can’t. It has to be this way.”
“Because you won’t forgive yourself or because you’re afraid I think you are guilty of stealing?” he asked. “Or is it because you’ve committed some indiscretion with my brother? Tell me what your relationship was like with him. Put it out in the open and let me judge it for myself.”
“Edward, he hates me because I’m the reason his friend did not marry the woman he loved. He hates me so much that, well . . .” She moved a few feet away from him. “I won’t tell you the rest unless you promise you will not speak of it with him. I will not come between you and him. I will not break up your brotherhood, your family. I’ve already ruined too many things.”
“I promise,” he said, afraid of w
hat he’d committed to. “I won’t speak of it.”
“He was there the night I was cornered with Nathaniel in the park. I saw him in the trees. He could have stopped it all from happening, but he didn’t. He watched. He hated me and rightfully so. I did horrible things.”
“He was there?” Gilbert leaned against the wall. “And do you hate him? Your father forced you to marry Nathaniel because of what Eddie did.”
“I did hate him and the others. I hated him when I was first married and again when I was first at the reformatory, but I let that go. And I want you to do the same. Don’t be angry with him. Promise me you won’t speak of it and you’ll go back to being thrilled he is here.”
Gilbert nodded.
“I know the loss of family, and I don’t want that for you.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “The past may never be sorted out, and your brother may forever hate me.” She stood and put her hand out. “Do you accept my friendship?”
He took her shaking hand in his and wished he could bring it to his lips, but he knew better. Instead, he held it gingerly, all the while wondering if he would ever hold it again.
“I accept,” he said when he let go. “And I will not cross your lines unless you give me permission to.”
To Hazel’s great relief, Mrs. Northly had not rented her room as quickly as she was always telling the girls she could. The older woman, in her own way, had even seemed pleased to see Hazel standing on her doorstep with her bag in hand.
Ina’s reaction that evening was far more volatile. “You almost left! You didn’t say goodbye!”
“I left my dress for you.”
“That’s no substitute for your presence.” Ina threw her arms around Hazel. “Never leave again.”
“I’m sorry, Ina.” Weariness set in as Ina released her embrace. “When I saw Gilbert’s brother, I realized I’d never fully be able to set the past right even if I did show the world I was not a thief.”
“None of us can change everything, but look at the life you are leading now. That must count for something. We all know how remorseful you are, and I’ve seen you praying often enough.” Ina touched the painting Gilbert had done. “It’s not right the way you berate yourself all the time. You smile and enjoy life, but only so much—never fully. Why not see what God has in store for you? Trust that he is willing to give you a future even if you feel you don’t deserve it.”
“Let’s clear my name. That will help rid my family of the shame I’ve brought to them. And then I’ll think about the rest.”
“Will you be happy until then?”
She thought of the terrible first days at the reformatory and how she’d learned to find good despite her circumstances. Those were hard-earned skills, perfect for a time such as this. “I will be the happiest that I can be.”
Ina hugged her again. “In that case, I will tell you what Duncan and I talked about today.”
“I do want to hear that!” A real smile spread across her face. She moved to the bed and sat with her legs crossed, ready to listen to her friend’s good fortune.
“Well, at first we talked about my teaching and about his daughter. And then he told me about his wife who died. It was all very sad.”
Hazel had expected a happy story, not a tragedy. “He must trust you.”
“I felt honored that he would share something so dear to him. Then he told me that since meeting me, he feels like he can smile again. He said when we danced that first time and I looked up at him, he felt something.” Ina blushed. “Maybe it wasn’t as fine a compliment as you’ve been paid before, but to me it was perfect.”
Hazel picked at a loose thread on an old blanket. “I’ve never received so fine a compliment. What else did he say?”
“He told me that although he is grateful for his sister and all she’s done to help with Amy, he is hoping to have his daughter live with him again soon.” Ina squealed, and Hazel’s heart soared. “He wants her home, and I tried not to assume. Oh, but I hope he meant what I think he did.”
“I’m glad I didn’t leave. If I had, I would have missed watching your happiness unfold.”
Ina put her arms around Hazel. “Someday you will realize that you are part of that happiness.”
“Tell me where you’ve been,” Gilbert said to his long-lost brother after arriving home for the night. He’d done his best to abide by his promise and simply be happy for his brother’s return. Surely, with time, Hazel would see that Eddie was not the lad he’d been before. “Did you go to sea?”
As a boy Eddie had always talked of leaving home and becoming a cabin boy and then first mate and finally the captain of a large and well-known ship. Exotic places, adventures at sea, and even battling pirates had been parts of his youthful ambitions.
Eddie sat at the table eating cold meat and bread left from one of Clara’s meals. “I never went to sea. It’s not a bad idea though. Maybe I’ll do that next.”
“Still a dreamer?”
He took another bite. “We’ve all got dreams. Even you must.”
Gilbert sat in a seat across from his brother. In many ways it felt like they were boys again living under the same roof, yet they were not. They were men, with lives and passions that had changed since they’d last occupied this home together. “Lately I’ve been dreaming of a family.”
“You never even talked to the girls when we were boys. Has someone broken you from your shell?”
“I’ve met someone now who has loosened my tongue. I can talk to her and even laugh. You would be surprised by my unhinged tongue.”
Eddie set down his bread and stared at his brother. “The girl from the office? The one you were so worried over when she left?”
“Hazel.”
“Does she care for you in return?” Eddie asked between bites.
Three or four days ago Gilbert would have told his brother he believed she did, but now he was unsure. And according to his agreement with her, they could never be more than mere friends. “It’s only a dream. Like going to sea, perhaps someday. But that’s not important right now. I want to hear where you’ve been. You left and you never came back, or even sent word.”
“You should hate me.”
“What purpose would that serve? Tell me where you’ve been. I’ve often wondered.”
“When I left eight years ago, I went to stay with Carl Kaine. Do you remember him?”
Gilbert nodded. “He was your friend from school. His family was from Buffalo. That’s only miles from here. Have you been close this whole time?”
“No, but I did stay with him when I first left. I thought about coming back and trying to set things right with Father, but I always pushed it off for another day and then another. I was there a couple of years.” Eddie’s face, always confident, showed signs of regret. “I was stubborn. Then Carl had a bit of wretched luck. It wasn’t really luck. A silly, thoughtless girl came between Carl and his fiancée. Anyway, we headed west. Tried our hand at prospecting.” Eddie ate another large bite, leaned back, and rubbed his stomach.
Gilbert waited, hoping for more details of his brother’s adventures. “And now you’ve returned? What brought you back?”
With his mouth still half full, Eddie said, “It didn’t go well. The big vein we were always looking for didn’t show up. Besides, Carl married, and the cabin felt too crowded for three, so I decided it was time for a new adventure. I’m not sure what that will be, but I’m here to find out. For now, I’m content eating your food and putting my feet up for a while.” He brushed the crumbs from his hands, letting them fall on the floor. “Tell me about Father. I heard about his death through Carl’s family. They sent a clipping from the paper.”
“He was sick a long time—”
“After I left, I wondered about him and worried some, but I always knew you’d be there to take care of him.”
“I think he would have liked having you back. When he was dying, he often spoke of you. He even called your name when he was delirious or sometimes in his sleep.�
�� For a long time, Gilbert had been angry with Eddie. Angry that he’d left, that he wasn’t there when their father died. Angry that he was alone when he had family. But with time he’d come to realize the anger did no good. It would not bring his father back. “We were all hurt by your leaving.”
“I should have come back, but I was too proud and then so much time had passed.”
“Why did you leave?” Gilbert at last voiced the question that had plagued him for so long.
Eddie pushed back from the table. “You never asked him?”
“No, it was your quarrel.”
Eddie walked over to the mantel, where a portrait of their father sat in an oval frame. “Suffice it to say that I was wrong. I made a mistake, and when he confronted me, I ran. And when I considered coming back, I was too stubborn.”
His brother picked up the old frame and studied the picture. Eddie sighed, but even the exhale did not seem to release the burden of remorse.
“You’re here now, and he’s glad of it,” Gilbert said. “He knows you’re here. I know he does. He always believed you’d come back.”
Eddie didn’t speak. He stared at the picture a bit longer before setting it back. His face was pulled tight when he turned around, and Gilbert could see the tears he was fighting.
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
Two days later, Hazel, nervous and eager, walked the long hill that led to Gilbert’s Amherst home. Tonight, Hazel and Gilbert would sit with Ina and Duncan to discuss a plan and begin their joint quest to liberate Hazel from the shackles of injustice. If they failed, what would she do then? She hated the thought.
“Hazel, you’re here,” Gilbert said as he opened the front door. “Come in and say hello to my brother.”
She groaned and thought of fleeing but rejected the notion, reminding herself that she was not the same woman she’d been all those years ago.
“Eddie, come and say hello to Hazel,” Gilbert said.
Eddie walked toward the entryway, a grin on his face, his long arms swinging at his sides, and a lightness to his gait. He stopped. He froze. His ease and appearance changed. “Hazel?”