A Lady in Attendance Page 12

  “You have been on your own since?”

  “I used my parents’ money to rent a room, and at first I lived quietly on my own. I was lonely but well enough. Then one day all my money but what was in my reticule was stolen. Everything fell apart all over again. I tried to get a job but had little luck until I moved here. My time at your office has been the happiest of my life. Despite my deceitful name, I believe I’ve been my truest self while with you. I’ll cherish the memory always.”

  “So that’s it. You will go?”

  She tilted her head, and he nearly came undone. There stood Hazel, his dear friend, with tears racing down her face like rivers of sadness and defeat. “You wish me to stay?”

  “I don’t know, but I am not ready for you to go. I can’t lie to you and say that I’m not bothered by this confession.” He scratched his neck while he struggled to decide what to say. “What if you cleared your name? If you are innocent, there must be a way.”

  “I’ve tried, but no one will help me.” Hazel sighed. “I may go west. Far away where no one has ever heard of Hazel and her notorious history. There are men out West looking for wives. I could have a new life without constant reminders of all I can’t have.”

  “You’d run when you aren’t guilty? You’d marry a stranger?” Gilbert clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. She couldn’t run. She shouldn’t have to. “And what of Nathaniel’s death? Don’t you want to put it all right? If you’re innocent, shouldn’t you refuse to settle for less?”

  “We rarely get what we want. I’ve grieved and beat myself up, wondering how I could somehow make his death right, but I can’t. I’ve tried. Mrs. Northly mentioned a night I was out late, and that’s because I was seeking help but was turned away. I’ve written asking for help, and again and again no one has rallied to my cause.”

  “It seems only the guilty would run west,” Gilbert said with great passion, more passion than he’d anticipated, but he could not swallow the idea of her running to the arms of some unvetted frontiersman. “Fight against all the injustice. Stay and stand your ground.”

  “And if I know I cannot win?”

  “Let me help you. You said you couldn’t find help, but here I am and I’m willing.” Like a man enlisting for battle, he offered himself. “I might be a fool for it.”

  “You’re a dentist. I appreciate—”

  “A dentist in need of a cause and of adventure. Besides, I identified a body once.” He squared his shoulders, his presence large and strong. Only moments before he’d wavered, but now a fierce determination grew. Feeling the call to duty, he was ready to rise. “If this can be solved, let’s solve it and clear your name. Then you will be free to come and go as you please. You could see your family.” His cheeks warmed. “You could marry for love.”

  “I fall asleep every night wishing for such a future. But why would you want to help when I’ve confessed my guilty past? I did not steal, but I’m not your equal in innocence.”

  Gilbert did not speak for a long moment. He’d always imagined they’d lived similarly solitary lives, that she was as naive as he was about courting and romance. And he’d liked believing that the tender rustling of affection he’d felt was new for her also. Did it matter that their pasts were vastly different? He was not sure.

  “I’m surprised by it all,” he said at last. “More than surprised. I don’t know how it will change things, but I do know I have watched you care for our patients. I’ve witnessed your kindness. I’ve seen you light up a room with your smile and pour out your heart playing the flute. Your past is troubling. And it doesn’t fit the woman I thought I knew.”

  She wiped her tear-streaked face.

  “But I want to believe you are still the Hazel I know. I told you once that I was a Christian man who believed it my duty to help. I even offered to help you if you were ever in need, and I see no reason to take that offer back. Either I am a man of my word or I am a fraud. I don’t believe any verse of Scripture says to help only those who are perfect when none of us are.”

  She pressed a hand to her chest as though her heart ached. “Duty is a fine reason to help another.”

  Love, he wanted to say, was a much finer reason, but he held back. He was not certain what he would feel when he had time to mull it all over. For now, duty was motive enough.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTEEN

  Hazel ran her hand over the recently painted canvas, enjoying the feel of the ridges and valleys Gilbert had created with the stroke of his brush. She’d sat beside him yesterday as he painted, mostly in silence. When they did speak, it was cautious but cordial.

  “He did a fine job,” Ina said. “I never would have guessed he had so much hidden talent.”

  “At first glance he seems ordinary, but he has heart and skill that he keeps to himself.” She set the painting on her bed but couldn’t take her eyes off it. “I suppose we are all more complex than we seem at first.”

  “I think you’re right. I’m glad Duncan is taking the time to get to know me,” Ina said. “His Amy is the perfect little lady. She curtsied when I met her and had the finest manners. I had thought she might comment on my face, but she just smiled.”

  “Did she like the marbles you got her?”

  “She did.” Ina told Hazel how Duncan had held her hand and how proud he’d been of his daughter. “And just when I thought the day couldn’t get better, Duncan stopped our walk beside the covered bridge and we talked about our dreams.” Ina leaned against the wall as though the memory left her weak in the knees. “He said he hoped to find someone to share his life with. Someone who would love his daughter and create a home for her.”

  “Did you tell him you were that person, and then did he take you in his arms like you’ve always hoped for and kiss you senseless?”

  “Of course not.” Ina rolled her eyes. “I told him I loved teaching, but I dreamed of a home of my own and a family.”

  Hazel nodded. “That was sensible. But I think you should have told him you wanted to be his family.”

  “You’re always so clever. You should say those things to Gilbert.” Ina laughed. “I can’t even imagine myself saying half the things you suggest.”

  “I’ll stop teasing. Tell me what else happened.”

  “He took my hand and brought it to his lips and kissed my fingertips. I know I blushed, but not because I was embarrassed.”

  Hazel smiled, pushing her own heaviness aside. “It sounds beautiful.”

  “It was. I find myself amazed by how naturally we’ve become friends. I hope your day was wonderful too,” Ina said. “Did Gilbert confess his love? Did he kiss you?”

  “No, well, he started to tell me something along those lines, but it didn’t amount to a confession of love. The truth is, I’ve done more kissing than I’d ever want to admit. But I have not had the kisses of love you dream of. You and Duncan are like a fairy tale.” She swallowed back the sadness that crept in whenever she thought of her wretched past. “You have me convinced that what I thought was romance was something entirely different.”

  Ina brought her brows together. “I’ve not pried into your past because it’s your past. But don’t you think that at some point you ought to forgive yourself for whatever happened and allow yourself to go on with your life?” Ina moved closer and put an arm around Hazel. “You’re good and thoughtful, and I know this because I am someone who has learned to fear the judgments of others, and I’ve never felt fear around you.”

  Hazel leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder. “I’ll tell you everything. Then you can help me know what to do, and you’ll know why I believe love is not in my future no matter how I ache for it.”

  An hour later, Hazel wiped the tears that poured down her face and looked at her friend. “It’s not a pretty tale, is it?”

  “No, it’s not. But I still believe there is a way for you to write a new chapter and then another and another and give them a happy ending. Don’t you think that’s what writers d
o? If they can’t get their characters to end on a happy note, they write more.”

  “That screams of reason, but I don’t know if I can write a new chapter until at least some of the past is sorted out. Otherwise it would be a story that made little sense. I want answers and closure. I wish I could make things right with Nathaniel too. It weighs heavy on me, but I know I can’t.” Hazel gritted her teeth in frustration. “I want to walk into my family’s home with my head held high, knowing no one questions my innocence. There’s so much I want to do.”

  “They’re your family. Certainly they trust your word.”

  “I’m not sure they do.”

  “Talk to Gilbert. I believe he truly wants to help you. He might come up with some ideas, and I’ll think on it. Together we’ll find a way.” Ina embraced her in a sisterly way. “You aren’t alone.”

  “You don’t have to help me.”

  “I know. But I want to.”

  Hazel spent the remainder of her weekend deep in thought and prayer as she wrestled with what to do. Torn between what she wanted—love and family—and what reason told her was impossible. Her father had called her stubborn as a child, and the trait had stuck. She determined now was the time to make that weakness her strength. She would see this through to the end, grateful for whatever help she could find and ready to accept whatever consequence followed.

  Monday came, and Hazel arrived at work with jittery nerves. Gilbert had offered to help on Saturday, but would he still want to today? She had fretted and worried about seeing him again, but even with quivering nerves and a plethora of worries, she had not changed her mind about taking his help.

  “I’ve made a decision,” Hazel said as soon as she walked into the office.

  “You have?” He sprang from his seat and crossed the floor in long strides.

  “I’d like your help.” She picked up the broom, needing something to keep her hands occupied, and set to work sweeping. “I want to clear my name. I thought we could ask Duncan for ideas. He’s a lawyer. I was so caught up in his being Ina’s beau, I did not think he might be able to help me too.”

  Gilbert shoved his hands into his pockets and made a sheepish face. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I’ve been racking my brain trying to devise a plan. I should have thought of him.”

  “I can’t pay him until after my name is cleared, and then I know my parents will help me. At least I believe they will.” Hazel cringed at the mention of her dire finances. A few dollars in a jar were not enough to leave her feeling financially independent. “Do you think he’d let me pay him after?”

  “I do, and if he’s unwilling, I’ll cover the cost.”

  “I’d pay you back.” Her voice came out as small and weak and desperate as she felt. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  He could throw so many things in her face if he ever found cause to. Perhaps they had never been on equal ground, but now, with her sins exposed and her lack of funds being discussed, she felt far beneath him. In all their days together, there had never been a more uncomfortable silence. They stood staring at each other, both seemingly unsure what steps to take next. Were they friends? Just a dentist and an attending?

  “Ina agrees you are a master painter,” Hazel said, breaking the silence.

  “You told her my secret.” Gilbert scowled, but Hazel saw his telltale signs of humor, and it was enough to give her hope that they still could be friends.

  “I did. I showed her what you painted for me, and I told her everything I told you on the hill. I’ve done an awful lot of confessing the last few days.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said in a sincere tone, and once again she was convinced that he was much better with his words than he believed himself to be. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

  “I’ve brought this, at least in part, upon myself.” Patients would be arriving at any moment. Now was not the time for self-pity. “I’ll prepare the rooms for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  She felt his eyes on her back as she walked to the small exam room and set to work arranging instruments. If the past were put to rest, dare she believe this man could care for her? She believed he had begun to, but that was before her confession. A burst of laughter drew her away from her work. She peered into the waiting room, hoping to know its source. What she saw brought a smile to her lips. Gilbert was grinning at a man whose back she could see. A friend? She stepped closer, eager to know who had brought such good humor from Gilbert.

  The men embraced. From behind she couldn’t tell much about this stranger other than his height and build, which were similar to Gilbert’s.

  “Eddie!” Gilbert said. “You came back.”

  Gilbert’s brother was back! Peering around the doorway, she felt like she was observing the prodigal himself returning. Happiness engulfed her heart. Not wanting to interrupt, she leaned against the wall, unseen, and observed.

  “We have so much to catch up on. But first, come and meet Hazel,” Gilbert said, steering his brother toward where Hazel stood. She saw the stranger’s face . . . but it wasn’t a stranger at all. She knew this man.

  Her past and her present collided in one catastrophic thud, leaving her breathless and ready to run.

  Standing before her was Edward. It couldn’t be, but it was. She’d not seen him since the night at the park . . . the night when so much had changed. When he’d sneered at her from the trees.

  His parted dark hair, his dimpled chin—the memories rushed back. Memories from before, when she’d been a different person—a heartless person and then a married-against-her-will person.

  She couldn’t be here. Not with him. All hope of reconciling her past immediately vanished.

  She ran through the back door. No goodbye, no looking back. Her lungs burned by the time she reached Mrs. Northly’s, but she refused to stop and catch her breath. She grabbed her carpetbag and shoved her few belongings in, not worrying about careful packing or future wrinkles. Leaving was all she cared about.

  CHAPTER

  FOURTEEN

  “I don’t know where she went,” Gilbert said as he rushed through the office, checking each room for a second time. “Something must be wrong.”

  “If she was just here, she must be fine. It’s a dental office. Nothing dangerous happens here.” Eddie looked out the window. “Perhaps she had some sort of womanly emergency.”

  “Possible, I suppose.” Gilbert knew little of women and their struggles. “I want to hear all about your travels and what has brought you back, but first I need to find Hazel, er, Miss McDowell.”

  “I’ve never known you to chase after a woman.” Eddie’s brow furrowed. “Is she more than an employee?”

  “That’s unimportant.” He paused near the door and turned his open sign to closed. “I don’t know how long I’ll be. No need to sit and wait.”

  “Even better. I’ll kick off my boots back at the house.”

  “Do what you wish,” Gilbert said as he stepped out onto the street and headed toward Mrs. Northly’s. He ran to the front of the house and pounded on the door. When no one answered, he ran to the back of the house and pounded again. No answer. A sickening panic took over, stealing his ability to think rationally. Desperate to find her, he twisted the handle and found the door was unlocked.

  Reservations shouted at him to stop, but he couldn’t. In an uncharacteristic act, he pushed open the wooden door and stepped inside. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the dark interior. The home was simply furnished—practical straight-backed chairs around a fireplace, stitched verses in frames mounted on the walls. Reminders, no doubt, of how a proper lady should behave.

  He called out for Hazel, and when he still did not hear her or anyone else, he went up the stairs. It was wrong to enter the sleeping quarters of a woman, and until this moment he’d never done so. His heart raced and his palms grew sweaty, but he didn’t stop. He knocked and peered into the first room, but large boots near the door told him it w
as not her room. The next room exploded with color, décor, and belongings. Again, he moved on, knowing it was not Hazel’s room since she had few possessions. The next room was simple, and he believed it could be Hazel’s room until he saw Ina’s name on a letter. Guilt gnawed at him, assaulting his conscience, but he had to know if Hazel had fled and he had to know quickly.

  At the end of the hall was one more room. The door was open. He stepped over the threshold and the instant he did, he knew. Hazel was gone. The armoire hung open and had nothing hanging in it, not a single dress. Frantically, he searched for some evidence that his instincts were wrong. Under the bed he found a faded and worn hatbox. He lifted the lid, and his heart sank when he saw Hazel’s name on a stack of letters.

  Hazel had left and not even said goodbye. Like a physical wound, a stabbing pain twisted deep in his insides. Never had a woman affected him the way she had—her laughter, her sparkling eyes, her friendship. It had all come to mean so much to him, and now it was all gone. Taken without his consent or even a farewell.

  Everything in him wanted the world to stand still so he could make sense of what had happened. But that was out of his reach. He had to go. Taking the steps two at a time, he rushed through the house and out the back door.

  “What are you doing here?” Mrs. Northly’s voice nearly knocked him over.

  Hoping his voice did not give his guilt away, he said, “Looking for Hazel. Have you seen her?”

  “Not since this morning when she left for work. Did she not come?” Mrs. Northly, for all her overbearing ways, looked genuinely concerned.

  “She was there and then she left. I’m not sure where she’s gone.”

  Lines of worry folded across the woman’s normally stoic face. “I do hope she is all right. You’ve not had a tiff, have you?”

  He took a deep breath, telling himself not to panic. Knots could be undone, and so could this. “Nothing of that sort. If you see her, will you tell her I’m looking for her and would very much like to talk?”